


Finding What's Left

by JayceCarter



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 06:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9421916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceCarter/pseuds/JayceCarter
Summary: Nora is rescued after suffering at the hands of raiders, and nothing her friends do seem to help her recover. What starts as a quiet friendship with Sturges soon turns into her only lifeline. Can Nora overcome both her captivity, and her feelings of hopelessness about all she's lost? Can Sturges find room in her life for him, too? Or will the both fall prey to an enemy that's closer than either of them realize?





	1. Back in Sanctuary

Nick set Nora down on the bed, grateful she hadn't woken up. The med-x had knocked her out after her last panic attack, and he hoped they had another hour before it wore off.

The way she'd sobbed and pushed him away had broken him. Nora, the girl who had taken out Kellogg, who had destroyed the institute, had crawled away from him in fear.

"She's not doing well," Deacon said from beside him.

"I don't know what to do. Stimpacks dealt with the bruises and broken bones, but they won't fix what’s in her head."

They didn't know what happened exactly, but it didn't take much to figure it out. He didn't even have to call on the old Nick's skills to come to an ugly conclusion. Her ripped clothing, the blood on her thighs, the way she whimpered and pulled away from her friends, it told him.

And Nick, who tended to let people live if possible, had helped Deacon slaughter the raiders who had grabbed her.

How could they have let it happen? They'd destroyed the boogeyman of the commonwealth, but somehow they'd lost Nora from under their noses. One second they'd been clearing a building, looking for a lost synth, and the next she was gone. How the raiders had gotten her, he had no idea.

He and Deacon had tracked her down, and it hadn't taken more than a couple days, but it had been a couple days too long.

Deacon nodded at the door, and Nick followed.

"I'm going to stick around for a while." Deacon shoved his hands into his pants pockets.

Nick knew what those words meant, because unless they were on a mission, Deacon didn't just stick around. He wanted to be there when she woke up.

"Yeah, me too. I'll bet there's going to be a whole watch until she's back on her feet."

Neither of them added "If she gets back on her feet," though they both thought it.

#

Danse left the house, looking small without his power armor. He wasn't small, it just seemed so strange to see him that way.

"No luck?" Nick leaned against the weapon workbench.

"She wouldn't say a word, just stared out the window. It was like I wasn't even there."

"Same it's been with everyone. Even Marci went in to talk to her, but nothing. You get silence or you get tears."

"This shouldn't have happened. I should have been there." Guilt had turned his stern face sad.

Three days and they hadn't managed any response or anything that said she was getting better. Sometimes the water they left would be gone, but she never touch the food.

"Her room's cold," Sturges said, speaking up for the first time. He wasn't much of a talker, tended to listen and absorb the world around him. It meant he heard more than most.

"What?" Nick turned as if he hadn't realized Sturges was even there.

"I hadn't gotten to her house yet for repairs, and there's some big holes in those walls. Can't be comfortable in there like that."

Danse looked him up and down, then dismissed him. "She doesn't know you. I don't think you walking in with tools is going to help."

Nick didn't reply with such haste. He stared at Sturges as if he saw something the others didn't, like he'd had an idea. "She does know him. Good thought, Sturges. You should go get those closed so she feels a bit safer. Bet she'll sleep better if she isn't shivering, too."

"Are you out of your mind? Like she needs some strange man walking into her bedroom! I'll fix the damned walls."

Nick lowered his voice, but Sturges could still catch the words. "She hasn't responded to any of us, right? She either shows fear or nothing. Could it really be worse if he tried?"

"You're up to something."

Nick took a screwdriver from his belt and started to tighten the bolts in his metal hand. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sturges left the two men to their argument. Whatever Nick had planned didn't matter to him. He just couldn't stomach the idea of Nora sleeping in a cold room, and he could fix this.

People, they weren't so easy to fix.

#

Nora woke with a jolt. Someone was in her room. She opened her eyes to find a large male figure in the corner.

"Just me," came a soft voice that took her a minute to recognize. Then his smile eased her.

Just Sturges.

The panic she lived with didn't raise at his presence. She didn't feel like scrambling away, like hiding. She didn't feel like talking, either, so she simply watched him.

"I hadn't fixed this house up, you know. I would have, if I'd known anyone would be living here. I brought some tools, some steel, figured I'd close up these walls, maybe bring a steel barrel in for a fire?" He didn't wait for an answer, just set his tools down and went to work.

Nora got lost in the movement, in the way he lifted the metal squares with ease, like they weighed nothing.

Then again, he wasn't a small man. His muscles had been honed doing manual labor, fixing things, building things. He wasn't a fighter like the men she'd spent so much time with, he was a fixer.

So, Nora rested her head against the wall and watched, and for a while, she forgot everything beyond the slow work, beyond the regimented movement.

He was done too quickly, if she were honest. He pointed up at a hole near the roof line. "That'll stay open so the smoke can get out, but it's covered, so rain won't get in. I'll get the barrel now and some wood. A fire should help get the chill out."

The barrel scrapped against the floor as he dragged it in. Nora felt like she should get up, help; it's what she would have done before. She'd never been one to rest on being a girl, she'd been the first to pitch in. She just couldn't, though, so she watched.

Not that he struggled. He drug it into place across the room, near the other corner, then loaded it with wood and scraps of paper. A flick of a lighter had it roaring to life.

He held his flattened hands out to the warmth. "I'll keep an eye on the fire, make sure it stays going, keep fetching wood. If you're too warm, just put that metal lid on top, and I'll get the message."

He didn't push her, didn't apologize for what happened. He treated her like a person, and for the first time in days, she didn't want to cry. She didn't want him to leave. She was so tired of being alone.

But she didn't say any of that. She simply whispered, "thank you."

#

Sturges gathered firewood and stacked it beside the front door. If the fire got low, he didn't want her to have to wait while he found something to burn. Better for it all the be here, dry and ready.

"How'd it go?" Nick's voice came from behind him.

Sturges shrugged. "She shouldn't be cold, anymore. I fixed the walls and got a fire going."

"She spoke to you. I couldn't make out the words, but she spoke."

"She just said thank you."

Nick eyed Sturges, so focused it made him want to fidget. Instead, he went back to his task. Let the synth think whatever he wanted, it didn't matter much to him.

"You should keep checking in on her."

"I told her I'd keep the fire going."

Nick nodded and flicked his cigarette to the ground, before grinding it out with his foot. "Good. That's good."


	2. Trouble

The weakness of Nora's legs frightened her. She knew they'd healed, but they needed to be used, and she'd done jack all in that department. A few slow trips to the restroom had been the best she could handle, but that morning, restlessness tugged at her.

 

Maybe it was the warmth. The house had a welcome air it had missed before, when she'd huddled beneath the pile of thin blankets for warmth.

 

She stood up, using the wall for balance. It took time for her to make it into the living room, but she smiled when she did. All the holes had been sealed up, and the warmth had spread to here, too. The furniture had been dusted off, placed in nice spots. This was all Sturges. Her friends loved her, she knew it, but they thought like she did. Homes didn't exist, only places you could spend the night. Sturges built homes, though, and he'd done the best he could to make this one a home for her.

 

The door, which she had to guess he'd added, opened.

 

Nora jumped back, thankful to have a hold of the wall to keep on her feet.

 

"Sorry," Sturges said and took a step back. "Didn't mean to scare you. I thought you'd be in the room and I brought some food." He held up the bowl in his hands. "You haven't eaten much, and I can't blame you when I saw what they left. No one should live off squirrel bits and Cram. I had Mama Murphy make some hot stew, instead."

 

Nora nodded, and he must have taken it as approval because he stepped back inside and shut the door behind him. He set the bowl on the table, then moved backward into the kitchen.

 

Nora made her away across the room, using the wall to stay on her feet, until she could slide into the chair in front of the food.

 

It did smell good.

 

Her stomach agreed in a loud rumble. Sturges brought a can of purified water and set it beside her, staying on the other side of the table. Nora took a bite of the stew, and the moment the warmth hit her stomach she smiled.

 

"Thanks," she said, voice rough from disuse. "It's good."

 

"Thank Mama Murphy. I can't cook worth anything, just isn't in my skill set." He shuffled his foot against the floor, like he wasn't sure what to do. She got the sense he wanted to stay, but wasn't sure if he was welcome.

 

"Sit." She indicated the chair on the other side of the table. "We can share."

 

"I'm not going to eat your food, Nora."

 

"If I eat it all, I'll be sick. You wouldn't want me sick, would you?"

 

He smiled and shook his head, like he wasn't surprised she'd out-maneuvered him. He grabbed a bowl and spoon from the sink and sat across from her.

 

Nora poured half the strew into his bowl, then pushed it toward him, ignoring the way her hand shook.

 

"Who’s here?"

 

Sturges looked at his bowl as he responded. "Nick, Danse, Hancock is expected back in the next few days, and MacCready. Deacon is around, I think. It's hard to keep track of him with all his costumes."

 

"Have you see when he dresses like you?"

 

"Yeah. I thought Hancock had spiked the water for a minute."

 

"It's not that close. He doesn't fill out the clothes as well as you do." As soon as Nora said it, she froze. The words felt strange, a remnant of flirting she'd thought to be gone. It terrified her.

 

What if he tried to kiss her? What if he thought she wanted him now? How could she have been so stupid? Her head spun, her breathing quickening.

 

He chuckled, a soft sound that halted her down spin. "The muscles make sure I can fix the walls, so I can't complain much." He took another spoonful of stew, making it clear he wasn't going to pounce on her.

 

Nora held onto that calm, easy energy, forcing herself to eat more while her breathing slowed again. "Sorry."

 

She was sure he'd heard her, but he didn't respond to it.  He just kept eating. "Couple people wanting to visit."

 

She frowned, thinking. "Deacon was here, wasn't he?"

 

"Probably. I think he snuck in the window to check on you a few times."

 

"I don't remember much," she admitted. "I don't remember MacCready or Danse."

 

"MacCready's been standing watch, but I don't think he's come in. Danse came in the day I fixed the wall, but that's it."

 

"Nick still here?"

 

"Yeah. He comes in when you're sleeping, checks on you."

 

"Well that's creepy."

 

"Don't like to scare you, Doll."  Nick's voice caused her to startle, spilling the spoon full of soup. He stood in the doorway, leaving against the frame. He snuck around better than Deacon, which was amazing considering he was made of metal.

 

**#**

 

Nick watched her reaction to him and sighed. He expected it, but it still stung. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Doll."

 

She swallowed and nodded. "I know that."

 

"No, you don't, but that's okay. I checked on you while you were sleeping because you cried when you were awake. I didn't want to cause you anymore stress, but I had to make sure you were okay."

 

Nick's gaze darted between Sturges and Nora, not sure he was right, but hoping he was. In putting those two together, he might be helping Nora or he might be destroying her. Still, she was speaking, and that was progress. He held onto the progress. 

 

"I'm sorry."

 

He shook his head then gave her a look that said she was stupid. "Don't be. You take the time you need, and I'll be here. We'll all be here. You just tell me if I can do anything."

 

She stared at her bowl, like she couldn't bear to look at him. Still, he reminded himself, there was progress.

 

Progress due to Sturges, if he had to guess. It had been a long shot, but he'd guessed right.

 

"I'll get going, just wanted to check in."

 

"Thank you, Nick."

 

He nodded and walked out. Across the walkway, Danse was staring, looking furious.

 

He almost felt bad for the guy. Danse had always loved Nora in a way the rest of them didn't. He'd wanted more, and Nick was sure he'd gotten further a few times. Not that Nora was one to gossip, it was just in the way they touched, too casual for platonic friends. Now Danse wanted more, and Nick was starting to think the girl in that house wasn't the Nora they'd known anymore.

 

"She up?"

 

"She is. She's eating some stew."

 

"With him?" Venom in Danse’s voice didn't bode well for things. Jealousy complicated things.

 

"He got her up and eating, don't forget that."

 

Danse looked away, probably trying to hide what he was thinking from Nick. Nick knew, though, he read people well enough. Danse wanted to hate Sturges, because he'd connected with Nora in a way Danse hadn't been able to. He wanted them to go back to a few weeks ago, before all of this, but he couldn't. He didn't have steps to take to fix this, to complete this mission. "I know."

 

"Give her time. She's got to get her feet under her again, and for whatever reason, Sturges is helping her do that."

 

"He better not touch her."

 

"That's not really up to you."

 

Danse reached out and closed his hand around Nick's throat. The same old hatreds, the ones the paladin had tried to smother but never got rid of, played across his face. "She is mine, not his."

 

The click of a safety coming off was all the warning Deacon gave the paladin. "Let him go."

 

Danse looked over his shoulder at where the sniper had his rifle pointing at him, and released Nick. Deacon didn't lower the weapon, though. Probably for the best, Nick figured. Danse looked like he'd like to go another few rounds.

 

"Do you think this is good for Nora? If you love her, you'll give her space."

 

Danse drew his hands into fists before storming off.

 

"That situation is going to be trouble," Deacon said.

 

Nick nodded.


	3. Take a Walk

Sturges packed a bag with food, water, extra clothing, stimpacks. His gaze locked on the pistol he kept in his room because he knew he needed it, but never used. He wasn't sure he could fire it, even.

 

Nora wanted to go for a walk, and he felt like he should be armed, but he couldn't stomach the idea. He didn't like weapons.

 

He pushed the gun back under his mattress. He didn't do guns, and that was just what it was. Besides, he'd be a fool to think her friends wouldn't be near-by. She knew two of the best snipers in the commonwealth, so there'd be no time a crosshair wasn't keeping them in sight.

 

A hesitant knock on his door told him who it was. "Come on in."

 

The door opened, and Nora stood there, dressed in a vault suit he hadn't seen in months, not since she'd showed up in Concord to save them. After that, she'd switched to armor and whatever she could pick up. "Am I early?"

 

"Not at all. Just grabbing a few things in case we need 'em."

 

She stayed at the doorway. He couldn't blame her. She'd done well over the past week, eating meals with him in her living room throughout the day, but they hadn't been any closer than across a table, and certainly not closed in a bedroom, in his bedroom.

 

She stepped backward when he approached the door, giving him space to exit without getting too close.

 

"Where are we going?"

 

"You'll see," she said and flashed a rare smile, full of mischief.

 

They walked toward Concord in silence, though it held none of the tension that said anything was missing. He listened for any threats, but she seemed happy to simply stroll.

 

Her muscles had gotten stronger with the food and movement. He doubted she could run far, but she could walk without struggle. It was good to see her up, on her feet, not clutching a wall to cross a single room. The sun on her face seemed to help, as well. She'd turn her face toward it, to soak up every ray, and smile.

 

Maybe he'd make some shutters for her house. He rarely bothered with luxuries, but with how she soaked up the sun, he wanted her to be able to open her windows in nice weather.

 

"No raiders? More usually move in as soon as you get rid of one bunch."

 

"Preston has been keeping it clear, since it's so close to sanctuary. He sends a few minutemen to patrol every few days."

 

"Good. I'm glad he's keeping things going." She left unsaid what Sturges knew she meant, that he was going on when she wasn't, that he was picking up all the work she'd dropped.

 

Sturges wanted to reach out to her, hug her, take her hand, but he knew better. She wasn't ready for that. Instead, he stuck his hands in his pocket. "How far we walking? I don't want to tire you out."

 

"Well, I figured we'd ditch our tails."

 

"What?"

 

She pushed off the guilt she'd worn and smiled again. "Like I don't know MacCready and Deacon are following us. I might have been out of the game a bit, but I'm still smart. Thankfully, I am very good at losing them."

 

"They're watching to keep us safe. Is losing them such a good idea?" He didn't want to admit he wasn't armed. He had mostly come to terms with himself, that he was a fixer, not a fighter, but right then it stung. He wanted to be able to protect her, but he knew that wasn't his nature.

 

"I don't like being followed. Trust me, we'll be safe."

 

"Alright. But I'm not stealthy."

 

"You're the size of a Cadillac, I don't expect stealth from you. Just keep up."

 

With that, Nora grinned and ducked into a doorway.

 

**#**

Deacon knew that smile as soon as he saw it.

 

They were losing her.

 

He'd followed Nora long enough to know that when she wanted to lose him, she could. It had been a game for them, a game she always won. While he felt a sense of anxiety at losing sight of her, at having to trust she'd be safe, the smile warmed him.

 

He hadn't seen it in a while. It was a spark, a sense of trouble, of fun. Seeing it gave him hope that she'd recover, that she'd get better.

 

Across the street, from another building, MacCready shouted, "you see her?"

 

"She's long gone, buddy. Let's head back and wait. She'll show up when she's ready."

 

Deacon sighed and hung his rifle over his shoulder. They all needed some time to heal. For MacCready, it would require realizing no one was every safe, and that was okay. Nick needed to see she didn't blame him. Hancock just needed to see her alive. Danse needed a bullet between his eyes.

 

And Deacon? He didn't think there was any fixing him, so he just needed something to do.


	4. Red Rocket

Nora ignored how close Sturges was. There wasn't a lot of space in the sewer tunnels to start with, and he took up nearly every inch of it. He'd tried to give her space, but she'd forgotten just how small these pathways were.

 

They'd gone into the basement of the building, then into the sewers. A quick walk from there would deposit them into an old cave near Red Rocket, which was her own little piece of solitude.

 

Close enough to Sanctuary for safety, but far enough for privacy. Not to mention she'd armed it to the teeth, so nothing was getting close.

 

Perfect for some silence and peace.

 

They exited the cave, and Sturges relaxed when he realized where they were. "We could have just come here first."

 

"Then we'd have had to deal with Deacon and MacCready. I was tired of being watched."

 

She unlocked the door to the shop, the beeping of the turrets as they recognized her easing her.

 

Sturges followed her, keeping a few feet back so he didn't crowd her. Maybe that was one reason she enjoyed his company, he took nothing for granted. They'd built no level of intimacy, so she didn't feel bad she couldn't hug him, could get close to him, the way she had with the others. They were new, they were building. It felt fresh when so much else in her life felt rotted through and old.

 

"Nice place," he offered as he took in the space. It wasn't a large space, with a bedroom where the office had been, a sitting area in place of the booths near the front windows, and an entire garage as a workspace. She'd made it comfortable and useable and totally hers.

 

And she was amazed, but she didn't mind sharing it.

 

Nora pointed toward the garage, knowing he'd be most impressed by that. "Anything you could want to build; I've got the materials and tools for."

 

He let out a low whistle as he walked into the space. "Nice setup. No wonder you run off so often."

 

She hopped onto the weapons bench as Sturges went through the garage, taking in the tools, the things she'd gathered. "I like having something for me. No one knows about this place. It's my own little get away."

 

He hesitated, his hands on a toolbox in the corner. "You want me to leave? I don't want to intrude."

 

"I like having you here," she admitted, thankful when he didn't turn around to face her. It was so much easier talking to the expanse of his back than it would be to face him. "Everyone else expects something from me. You don't, you're just here. I like it."

 

"They're just worried."

 

"I know. But, they want me better, they want me back to who I was, and I don't know if I'll ever be that person again. When they look at me, they're expecting me to respond a certain way, and they're disappointed when I can't. You don't do that, you just accept me, as I am, right now."

 

Sturges nodded, and continued checking the garage.

 

"And, I like you," she admitted. "I'm not saying anything has to happen, or even that anything can happen. I don't know if I-" She swallowed down all the insecurity and anxiety at that train of thought. "I just mean, I like you, and I want you here."

 

He turned around and leaned against the garage door, that smile that melted her on his face. "I like you too, Nora."

 

#

 

Danse shook with anger as he listened. He'd known where Nora was going. Even though she'd tried to ditch him a few times, he'd known about her little spot. It had always bothered him that she'd never told him about it. He'd even broached the subject, trying to subtly push her into telling him, into sharing with him.

 

She never did, though. And then she brought Sturges there.

 

He hated Sturges. He was weak, just a civilian who couldn't keep Nora safe. If Nora had stayed with Danse instead of running off with that synth, none of this would have happened. She'd have been safe, with him, and everything would have been okay.

 

Now she was trading "I like you's" with the man.

 

Danse remembered how soft her skin was, the way she moaned when he'd push into her. He missed her.

 

She wasn't the type to run around with men, too many of her old morals still in place. While he wasn't sure, he suspected she hadn't slept with anyone but him since she'd woken up. The idea of this civilian pawing at her, touching her, it turned his stomach.

 

She was his. Sure, she'd been clear about not wanting a relationship, but that was just details. He'd laid the groundwork, gotten close, she just needed time to realize how perfect they were together.

 

She'd realize it, realize she needed him, that they were meant to be. He'd given everything up for her, thrown away the brotherhood, everything he'd had. He wasn't about to have it mean nothing.

 


	5. Even Nightmares End

Sturges worked into the evening hours. Nora had done a good job here, but she wasn't a mechanic. He fixed up a few of the turrets, increased their range, tuned up the generators, replaced a few burnt out light bulbs.

 

Had Nora really said she liked him?

 

He'd worked hard to hide the grin from his face as she spoke, but he would bet he failed. He couldn't help it. Sure, he suspected she liked him, at least a little, since she kept him around. Or, he'd worried, maybe she found him so unattractive that she didn't find him a threat like the other men. The way she'd blushed though, that had told him all he needed to know about her feelings.

 

And he couldn't get that out of his head. Sure, they were headed nowhere fast. She had a lot of recovering to still do, a lot of healing, and he wasn't in a rush. Still, hearing her say it, it was a gift he hadn't thought he'd ever get.

 

He wiped the sweat from his brow and stretched his back.

 

"Hungry?"

 

He peered over his shoulder at Nora carrying two plates of food.

 

"It isn't as good as what Mama Murphy makes, but it probably won't make you sick, and it's hot."

 

"I told you I can't cook, so trust me when I say I've got low standards for food."

 

He followed her into the sitting area near the table. The metal doors over the windows were open to let a cool breeze blow in. She might say she couldn't cook, but food smelled delicious.

 

"Thanks for helping out," Nora pointed at one of the generators with her fork. "I can put together some basic stuff, but I'm not great at it."

 

"I'm glad I could lend a hand. You did a great job, putting this all together on your own. I just fine tuned a few things. Food's good, too. You don't give yourself enough credit."

 

She smiled and looked down at the food. Red colored her cheeks. She was cute when she blushed.

 

"So, should I roll out a sleeping bag in the garage, or do you want me to head back to sanctuary? I promise I won't rat you out."

 

"It's dark. You shouldn't travel alone in the dark." The shadows in her eyes vanished as soon as they came.

"There's a nice mattress in the garage rafters. It's better than a sleeping bag. Sleep behind the counter, though. The garage will get cold."

 

Sturges thought about arguing, but he let it go. She didn't look nervous about him sleeping behind the counter, in the next room over, so why fight? After dinner, she washed the dishes and he got the mattress down.

**#**

Sturges woke when a scream echoed through the small space. He got to his feet, confused for a moment. This wasn't his house, where was he?

 

The scream came again.

 

Nora. Red Rocket.

 

He rushed into her room. She was on the mattress, tossing, mumbling. Her eyes hadn't opened, but the sounds she made tore him apart.

 

"Nora, wake up," he said from the doorway. She didn't need him hulking over her when she woke.

 

Her eyes clicked open.

 

Wait, no. The click was her cocking her 10mm that she'd pointed at his head. Her arm didn't shake, and he was reminded that the girl was no wallflower.

 

"Hey, it's just me," he said, softening his voice.

 

Her eyes blinked once, then again. Dawning came into her face. "I was dreaming?"

 

"Yeah. You screamed, so I came in to check."

 

She held the gun for another moment as she woke up. Then her eyes locked on it, as if she hadn't even realized she'd had it pointed at him. "Shit. I'm sorry." She flipped the safety on and dropped the gun.

 

"It's okay."

 

"No, it's not. I woke you up." Her bottom lip quivered. "Then I pointed a gun at you. I could have shot you. I shouldn't be making you stay here with me."

 

Her words tumbled from her lips, spinning around, tears filling her eyes.

 

Sturges kneeled on the ground at the foot of her mattress, trying to look smaller, though he knew that was a losing battle. "Hey now, knock that off. I'm here because I want to be, not because you made me, and everyone gets guns pulled on them now and then; This is the commonwealth. We're fine, okay?"

 

She nodded, but the tiny gasps she made said she was holding back tears.

 

He didn't know what to do, how to help her.

 

He felt so useless.

 

Nora solved the question when all but threw herself across the room and wrapped her arms around him.

 

Sturges froze, even stopped breathing, afraid to move and risk breaking the spell. Nora sobbed against his chest, holding him like she'd break apart if she let go. He wanted to put his arms around her, but he didn't want her to feel confined.

 

He reached up, slowly, and ran his hand through her hair. She leaned into the touch, so he continued.

 

Her hair was so soft. Most women kept theirs short for ease, but not Nora. It was one of the few things she seemed to have kept. It reached down to her lower back, though he'd seen her keep it braided and tucked into her jacket most often. He'd wanted to touch it forever, to see if it was as soft as it looked.

 

It was even better.

 

They sat together until she'd drifted off to sleep. Her quiet sobs turned into soft snores that made him grin. She'd be horrified to know she snored.

 

Sturges moved slowly, grateful again for the strength his work had afforded him. He arranged her on her mattress without waking her.

 

He pulled the blanket up and around her, ignoring the strange feeling in chest as he stared at her. He was starting to realize he might be in over his head with this one.


	6. Confessions

"Heard you ditched your bodyguards." Nick leaned against the bridge railing, watching Nora with that steady gaze she both hated and missed.

 

Sturges had gone ahead, giving Nora a few extra minutes to ready herself. The time away hadn't been long, but it had helped. She'd managed only a night before she knew they'd send out a search party, but the night had renewed her, made her feel more herself.

 

She couldn't put off her friends any longer. It wasn't fair.

 

"You know I don't like bodyguards. It's one of my pet peeves."

 

"You kept them longer than I'd expected."

 

"Figured I'd at least fuck up their morning and keep 'em busy for a while."

 

"You do have a mean streak."

 

Nora smiled and sat on a rock on the edge of the river across from sanctuary. Nick sat on the side of the bridge, close but not too close. "All our traveling and you could never break that petty mean streak out of me."

 

Nick chuckled. "I never really tried. A little harmless revenge is good for your soul, and your smile is good for mine. It was win-win."

 

Nora slipped her shoes off and dangled her toes into the water.

 

"You looking for a nice healthy rad glow or something?"

 

"Thanks Mom, but I already took some Rad-x. I won't be going ghoul anytime soon."

 

"Hancock will be devastated by that news."

 

"Relieved is more like it. I'm too breakable for his tastes."

 

They lapsed into silence, both staring at the slowly moving water. Nora's toes tingled, and it reminded her of the strange fish pedicures they did before the bombs fell.

 

"Look, Doll, I'm sorry."

 

"Not your fault."

 

"Let me say this, alright? Because it is killing me. You're the best friend I got, and I should have taken better care of you. I should have made sure you were safe."

 

Nora sighed and debated her next words. She owed him the truth, but God, the truth hurt. "It wasn't your fault, Nick, it was mine." Nora raised her hand to stop him when he wanted to argue. "My turn now. It was my fault. I don't mean in a shameful, I deserved it way. I got careless, Nick. You had to have seen it. I'd lost Shaun, the one thing I'd struggled so hard to save. I was done. I heard them coming around the corner. I thought I'd get a bullet to the head and be done, finally. It was my out."

 

Those yellow eyes pierced her, like her words made no sense. He said nothing, just stared.

 

"I felt stuck, trapped. It was like I was just repeating the same shit over and over and for nothing. The only thing I wanted when I walked out of that vault was my family, a quiet life. Instead I found war, and death, and blood, and I'd started to realize that was all never going to stop, I was never going to get the only things I wanted. I was going to have to just keep fighting, spending my nights alone. So, it was my fault. I never thought they'd-" Nora stopped, closed her eyes, and shoved away the memories. "I just thought they'd kill me. It would be quick, painless, and that was it."

 

Nick looked away and lit a cigarette. She knew that face, he was thinking, measuring his words. She was sure he wanted to get it right, needed to get it right.

 

Finally, he spoke. "I saw it, but I thought it would pass. Didn't realize you'd gone so far. You still feel that way? I can't imagine the raiders made you feel any more optimistic about life."

 

She thought about it. How did she feel? She caught the sound of Sturges laugh, deep, carrying across the settlement. She looked up and smiled, a reaction she couldn't hide.

 

Nick chuckled. "Good. That's good."

 

**#**

Sturges worked on the furthest turret, the one that always liked to break down.

 

Nora had pretend as if the night before hadn't happened, which he could understand. He'd give her that, if it helped. They'd woke up, had breakfast, then came back. She'd said if they stayed away any longer, Deacon would make it his mission to find her, and he'd be able to. She could throw him off, but she couldn't do it for long if he wanted to find her.

 

And Sturges found he didn't mind that.

 

He wasn't one to be jealous, and her friends made him feel good, like she had support. He wanted that for her, a sense of family, of home. He'd developed that with the other Quincy survivors, made a community out of it. Nora had done it with her friends, and those binds mattered, they kept people sane.

 

Not that he spent much time with any of them, save Preston. The others came and went, sometimes ate or drank by the fire with him, but that was it. He liked most of them well enough, though he didn't trust them all. MacCready was a merc through and through, though he had a soft spot for Nora that made Sturges believe he'd never turn on her. Hancock might have been a junkie, but he'd tear apart anything that threatened her.

 

The paladin, though, Sturges couldn't get a handle on him. He didn't speak much, which Sturges understood, being quiet himself, but it was the intensity he displayed that made him unease.

 

Danse was always watching Nora. He never fit with anyone else, never tried to develop a relationship with anyone else. He was adjacent to the group, a single spindle off Nora who refused to join the group at whole.

 

And that watching had only grown worse since Nora had returned.

 

"Need help?" The paladin's voice startled Sturges, who for a moment thought it had come from his own imagination.

 

The power armor clad paladin beside him was all too real, though.

 

"No. It's simple work, and there isn't room for two sets of hands in here. Thanks, though."

 

Danse didn't leave. He just stood and watched Sturges work. "How is Nora doing?"

 

"Fine."

 

"Where was she last night?"

 

"Out. If she isn't back yet, she will be soon."

 

Danse took a step closer, until he crowded Sturges.

 

"I want to know where she was. She needs someone looking after her, keeping her safe. You're not equipped to do that."

 

Sturges extracted his hands from the turret and took a step backward. In his power armor, Danse was larger, stronger, and untouchable. "She's handy with a 10mm. She can keep herself safe just fine."

 

"Are you thinking there's something more between you two? Because there isn't. She's confused, and hurt, and that's all this is. As soon as she gets better, she'll come back to me."

 

"She can do whatever she wants."

 

Danse calmed at that answer. He nodded, as if he'd decided. "She'll want me. We’ve been together, you know. Lots of times, and she's loved it. She's confused right now, but she'll get better and she'll want me again. I'll keep her safe. So, you should keep your hands to yourself."

 

Sturges watched the groundless obsession in Danse’s eyes and stifled a shudder. He'd always been off, but this was new. This was deeper than before, like something had broken inside of him.

 

Danse shook his head and turned to walk away.

 

**#**

Deacon pulled on the trigger of his rifle. Not enough to let loose the bullet that would end Danse’s life, but enough to tempt it.

 

He should kill him. Hell, Deacon could wait and follow him out of town, then do it. No one would ever know.

 

But Nora would hate him.

 

Some part of Nora that had gotten into his head after traveling together told him not to.

 

Danse was unstable, but he hadn't done anything unforgivable. Yet.

 

Deacon knew it was only a matter of time, though. And when he did something, it would hurt Nora, and Nora had been hurt too many times.

 

He followed Danse with his crosshairs, arguing with himself. End it now? Do this for her?

 

Deacon eased his finger off the trigger.

 

Nora had burrowed too deep. He couldn't kill the paladin.

 

Yet.


	7. Wiped Away

Nora sat beside Sturges next to the fire. All around her, her friends sat. It was her first time spending any real time with all of them, and she had to admit, she'd missed it.

 

Deacon sat on her other side, closer than anyone else would be able to get away with. She just couldn't find any panic in herself with him. He was too happy, too carefree, and had too little interest in her sexually for her to feel fear.

 

Nick stood, leaning against the porch post, keeping watch like any good mother hen.

 

MacCready sat beside Curie, looking tired, but happy. Nora had always thought the two would go well together, but she wasn't the sort of play match maker. What did she know about romance? She'd done nothing but make a mess of it.

 

Hancock sat on the other side of Sturges, already drunk, but always the happy drunk. Danse sat on a box, eating but silent.

 

She hadn't spoken to Danse in so long, she felt like she didn't even know him anymore.

 

She'd avoided him for a few weeks before the raiders, once she realized how empty whatever they had was. She didn't love him, not the way she needed to. He was a friend, and he was a warm body, and that was it. He'd wanted more, and Nora got the feeling he hadn't heard her no.

 

He'd come to visit her, she remembered, though details escaped her. Judging from the set of his jaw, he wasn't happy with how it had gone.

 

"And then she talked the Overseer into letting her in just because she was another vault-dweller," Hancock said, laughing as he toasted her. "I couldn't believe it worked."

 

They'd recounted her antics through the night, a parade of laughter and stories. It was nice, the easy comradery. She’d been so caught up in the need to find Shaun, to destroy the institute, to take down the brotherhood, she'd forgotten how to just sit and laugh together.

 

"That's nothing. When one of the guards in Diamond City was rude to Hancock, he snuck into their office and peed on their desk!" Nora pointed at Hancock to accuse him.

 

"I am pretty sure, sister, I was not the only one to pee on that desk."

 

Nora laughed and leaned against Sturges. The motion felt so natural, so comfortable. He was strong, steady, something unmovable in her frantic life. He grounded her and made her feel safe. The contact wasn't much, just the length of their arms between shoulder and elbow, but she felt the warmth to her core.

 

"So that's why the guards always double when you're in town," Nick muttered.

 

"Like you should talk. The first day we met you asked me to bribe the mayor for a key!"

 

"I told you to get a key from the mayor. You decided to bribe him all on your own."

 

"It's amazing you haven't ended up in someone's jail," Sturges said, though his smile took away any sting.

 

"We have," replied Nora, Nick, Hancock, MacCready, and Deacon.

 

Nora grinned, happy to relax with her friends. She hadn't felt this good in. . . . maybe ever.

 

#

 

Sturges walked beside Nora in the dark of the street. They had lamps in a few houses, but didn't like to tax the generators by using street lights. They didn't need them.

 

"That was fun," Nora said.

 

She'd been smiling all night. It had been good for her to spend the time with her friends. He'd enjoyed hearing about her exploits. Sure, he'd heard stories, like everyone else, but never straight from the source. From the time they tried to rob Hancock to the time she'd rescued a kid stuck in a fridge, he'd been fascinated by every tale.

 

He wasn't one to give into adventure unless he needed to, and she'd lived a lifetime in the short year and a half since she'd woken up.

 

"It was. I've never spent much time with any of them. I like them."

 

She nodded, stopping at his house. "Yeah, me too."

 

"You know, I think traditionally, I'm supposed to walk you to your door."

 

"I thought tradition died out when the bombs fell."

 

He leaned against the side of the house to give her space. "Not for gentlemen like myself."

 

She laughed and shrugged. "I'm not ready to turn in yet. Thought I'd take a walk, check in on the defenses."

 

"You need company?"

 

"No. Some quiet would do me good. The night was fun, but I need a little me time."

 

He nodded, knowing she was right. Besides, they were as safe as could be here, and he doubted anyone was tougher than she was.

 

"Goodnight, Nora," he said.

 

She took a deep breath, like readying herself for something, before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. It was a soft kiss, with her having to get up on her toes to barely reach, but it was a kiss.

 

Her breath was soft against his lips, her hesitation pulling him in more than recklessness ever would have. He leaned his head down, to make the reach easier, but kept his hands by his side.

 

She moved her lips against his, as if testing the waters, as if deciding if she liked this at all. He let her play, going as slowly as she wanted. If it took a year before he could kiss her back, he was fine with that.

 

Her hand touched his chest, spreading out flat, feeling the muscles there. She felt his shoulders, his arms.

 

She pulled away after a moment, rested her head against his chest, and wrapped her arms around him. Sturges gambled and wrapped his arms around her too. She snuggled closer, and he couldn't imagine a better feeling.

 

"Thanks," she said against his chest.

 

"Anytime," he said and kissed the top of her head.

 

She pulled back, smiling but not meeting his gaze. She could get him with that shy thing more than any attempt at seductress. "So, goodnight," she said, walking backwards.

 

"Goodnight, Nora."

 

#

 

Nora smiled as she walked between the trees near the settlement. She'd always liked the space to the east. It was quiet, fortified, but private.

 

After the night, and then the kiss, she needed some time to wind down.

 

The kiss.

 

She grinned wider. She had worried she would never kiss anyone again. She'd feared that part of her life, that part of her, was gone for good. Hell, she'd been afraid of that since before the raiders.

 

When she'd been with Danse, it hadn't been like that kiss. It had been bodies, and desperation, and ugliness. She wouldn't say she hadn't enjoyed it, because she had, but she'd lacked butterflies and romance. It had been two lonely people who needed release, who needed a moment of connection.

 

That one kiss had done more to her than all the nights with Danse.

 

It reminded her of what it could be like, of what she wanted, what she missed.

 

"Hey," came Danse’s voice from behind her.

 

Nora jumped and scuttled backward. She'd forgotten how quiet Danse could be when he wasn't in his power armor.

 

"Sorry," he said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jumpsuit. "I didn't mean to scare you."

 

She backed against a tree and worked at slowing her breathing. She knew Danse, she reminded herself. No reason to panic. "It's not you," she said finally. "I'm just jumpy. I'm sorry."

 

"I just hadn't gotten a chance to really see you since. . ."

 

She nodded, sinking down to the ground, back against the tree. "It's okay, really. I just didn't hear you coming."

 

He came and sat down beside her, too close for comfort, but Nora didn't want to hurt his feelings again. She stayed put.

 

"I missed you," he said. "I came to see you after, well, you know. You didn't recognize me, I think."

 

"I don't really remember anything. I know Nick and Deacon brought me here, but I don't remember the trip, or anything really."

 

"I think they dosed you with Med-x."

 

Nora nodded. She'd figured as much. It probably made the trip easier, so she couldn't blame them. "Makes sense."

 

Danse put his arm around her and pulled her against him. She froze, the contact too much, too fast. Still, she kept quiet. She told herself he was her friend; she'd caused her friends too much trouble already. Her hands shook, but she stuck them between her thighs to keep them still.

 

"I'm glad you're back, that you aren't hiding anymore. I missed spending time with you."

 

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

 

She missed the fire, she missed her laughing friends, she missed Sturges. The darkness which had felt so freeing alone closed in on her, trapped her. The weight of Danse’s arm around her shoulder, the solid muscle beside her, it scared her.

 

"I forgive you. Don't worry about it." His fingers on the arm around her rubbed her arm. They felt like worms crawling against her skin. "It's nice having you here. I missed this." His other hand set on her knee.

 

He was too much. He was everywhere around her. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe through it.

 

The hand on her knee went up higher, to the inside of her thigh.

 

She shook, her breath coming faster. The word 'stop' froze in her throat. She couldn't think, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but shake.

 

"It's okay," he whispered and shifted, pressing his lips to hers. It wiped away Sturges, and she hated him for it. It was cold, and menacing, and ugly. "You don't have to be afraid, it's just me. We've done this a hundred times."

 

Her chest hurt, her heart pounding and her lungs not seeming to remember how to work right. She squeezed her eyes tighter shut, pretended she was anywhere else, anywhere but there. Just let it be over with fast.

 

His tongue pressed against her lips, and he shifted until his erection ground against her hip. She could only shake. "Shhh, it's alright," he promised.

 

Then he was gone. The weight, the crushing feeling of his body, gone. Nora couldn't even gather what had happened, where he'd gone.

 

None of it matter. She bolted. Her legs didn't work right, and her chest ached, but she ran.

 


	8. Desperation

Preston punched Danse, knocking him back. The paladin was a solider, but he wasn't used to being out of his armor and it showed in his hand to hand.

 

"What were you thinking?"

 

Danse shook off the blow but stayed down. "What are you talking about?"

 

"You were a second from raping Nora!" Preston shoved the words from between his teeth, trying to keep his voice down. Nora had run toward Sanctuary, so she'd be okay, but she didn't need to hear this, to see this. He wasn't even sure what "this" would end up being.

 

"I was not. I would never. She didn't tell me to stop."

 

"She didn't have to. If you were thinking with anything but what’s between your legs, you'd have realized she was having a panic attack."

 

Danse dusted his hand off then hopped to his feet, though he didn't look keen to keep fighting. "You don't understand. She and I, we've been together before. We've done this before."

 

"I don't care if you've slept with her every other night, she wasn't saying yes tonight."

 

"She wasn't saying no."

 

"She shouldn't have to. You need to think very carefully right now, because I can tell you that if anyone else had found you out here, you'd be dead. Hancock would have gutted you like a fish, and either of our snipers would have put a bullet into your skull. So, count yourself very lucky it was me. I will be watching you closely, and if I catch you anywhere near her again, I'll end you. This is your only warning."

 

Danse narrowed his eyes but didn't respond. He strolled in the opposite direction as Nora.

 

Preston rubbed his eyes. They didn't need this.

 

**#**

Sturges woke to someone getting on the mattress beside him. He frowned and reached for the light. A small hand stopped his, and soft hair tumbled against his arm.

 

"Nora?"

 

She didn't respond, at least not with words. Instead, she straddled his waist and leaned down, kissing him.

 

It wasn't the kiss from earlier, not hesitant but desperate. She slid her hands into his hair, as if to hold him still, and slipped her tongue past his lips.

 

His brain worked slowly, trying to catch on to what he'd missed, trying to wake up, trying to ignore the fact all his blood had pooled far south of the brain he was trying to get moving.

 

Something wet fell on his cheek.

 

He touched her face. Tears. She was crying.

 

Sturges broke the kiss, trying to lean away from her searching lips. "Nora, what's wrong?"

 

"Please, just kiss me," she sobbed. "I need you to kiss me."

 

He hesitated. Would it help? He didn't even know what was wrong; how could he help if he didn't understand?

 

He cupped her cheek and kissed her back, but not in the same way. He slowed it down, gentled it, tried to turn it into the same kiss from that evening. Her breathing slowed, her hands loosening their grip in his head. She broke the kiss and pressed her forehead to his.

 

"Come on," he said, sitting up and easily moving her off him. He hadn't realized how little she weighed.

"Come in the living room. I'll make you a drink and we'll sit."

 

He held his hand out to her, grateful when she took it, when she used his strength to stand. She didn't release his hand, instead intertwining her fingers with his, gripping like he was her only lifeline.

 

**#**

Nora sat on the couch and wrapped her arms around herself. She was glad Sturges had stopped her, but now she had to think. She didn't want to think. She wanted him to replace all the bad things in her head with better things, with better memories.

 

But he hadn't. He'd stopped her, stopped them both. She'd felt him when she'd straddled him, knew he hadn't been unaffected. Still, he'd stopped her out of concern.

 

"Here," he said and offered her a chipped coffee cup of tea.

 

She held it and tried to let the warmth seep into her hands, tried to let it warm her up. How had tonight gone to hell so quickly? It had been going so well, but she'd ruined it.

 

Sturges pulled a chair over, so he was in front of her, then sat. He had the look of a man who was going nowhere soon.

 

"What happened? You left in such a good mood."

 

Nora couldn't meet his gaze. It hurt too much. "Nothing."

 

He rubbed the bridge of his nose before leaning forward. "Did I push you too far tonight? I should have stopped that kiss sooner."

 

She reached out and grasped his knee. "No. I promise, it wasn't that. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

He couldn't think this was his fault. It wasn't. It was hers. Why had she led Danse on? Her brain got stuck, just repeating over and over, skipping and stuttering. She couldn't seem to hold onto any thoughts long enough for them to make sense. Nothing mattered.

 

**#**

Sturges looked down at where her hand gripped his knee. Her knuckles had gone white from the pressure, and he'd have bruises if he were lucky, though she might have broken skin.

 

What had happened? A nightmare? Maybe tonight had all been too much for her.

 

"You want me to get Nick? Deacon?"  Maybe she needed one of her friends. But she'd come to him, hadn't she? She could have gone to anyone, but she'd crawled into his bed.

 

She peeled her fingers off him and shook her head. "No." She swallowed. "No. I just, I should go." Her gaze hit the door, looking out toward her own house, but her face shifted to fear. She didn't want to go, was afraid to go, that much was clear.

 

She could stay forever as far as he was concerned. "You don't have to. You can sleep here. Take the bed, I'll take the couch. Hell, I'll sleep outside if you want."

 

The shaking, which she'd done since she'd arrived, got worse. She spilled some of the tea over the edge, her teeth starting to chatter. Hell, he'd seen enough panic attacks in his life to see 'em coming.

 

He took the cup and set it down, she didn't need burns to add to it. "Come on," he said and helped her up. He took most of her weight as they walked, careful to pay attention to any tug she might make, any sign she needed more space.

 

He eased her onto his bed, wrapped her in the blankets to keep her warm. She laid on her side, closed her eyes, and shook.

 

Sturges stood to leave, but she grabbed his hand before he could. "Stay, please."

 

He rubbed the back of his neck. He couldn't imagine it was a good idea, but he couldn't say no to her either.

 

"Okay," he said, and stretched out beside her.

 

Nora rolled and wrapped her arms around him, pressing as much of herself against him as she could. He stayed still, and her shaking slowed until it stopped, and she fell asleep.


	9. The Truth

Deacon watched Nora come out from Sturges house.

 

Interesting.

 

He'd seen Nick shoving the two together, and he could see the benefit. They weren't a perfect match, but maybe that was better.

 

Nora had spent enough time around killers, around people who spent their lives waist deep in bullets. There was some sort of weird cosmic karma bullshit going on that would have her end up with a man who built things instead of tearing them down.

 

He'd seen them the night before, the kiss on the doorstep, all the nervous hormones. Yeah, it could work.

 

Nora looked his way, and he waved her over. She pulled her sweater around her and jogged over.

 

"You have a lovely, tousled, just out of the bed of a burly mechanic sort of glow."

 

She laughed and stole the food from his hand. "It was completely innocent."

 

"I have known you for a while now, and nothing you do is ever completely innocent. But if you don't want to share the details, Charmer, then fine. Don't let me live vicariously through you."

 

She didn't get a chance to respond before Preston walked up. He nodded, face more serious than usual, which was a trick for the ever-serious minuteman. "Morning." His eyes traced her up and down, not leering, but checking, like he expected her to be injured.

 

Deacon realized he'd missed something. Something had gone on that he hadn't been privy to.

 

He hated being left out, but he'd figure it out. He always did.

 

"Morning," Nora said and took a step backwards. She didn't appear to be afraid of Preston, just unnerved by the attention.

 

At least Preston noticed. He plastered a too friendly smile on his face to cover it. "I'll be around if you need anything, okay?" He looked at Deacon. "Have a good day."

 

"You too," Deacon offered back, watching the man walk away.

 

**#**

Sturges handed Preston the finished gears for the turrets at Hangman's Alley. Preston was best at making sure things got where they needed to go, and Sturges was best at building things. They all had their skills.

 

The work had been nice. It got his mind off Nora, who was nowhere to be found. He'd woken up alone, amazed to find he already missed having her wrapped around him. She hadn't run, and Deacon said he'd seen her that morning, said she'd headed off to her super-secret spot, and since she'd just lose him if he followed, he'd stayed put.

 

"You see Nora this morning?" Preston asked the question slowly as he took the gears.

 

"No," Sturges admitted.

 

Preston wasn't one to gossip or get into anyone's business, so the personal questions struck him as odd.

 

"I don't mean to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but you did see her last night, after the fire, yeah?" The way Preston asked told Sturges the topic wasn't a pleasant one. Whatever had set Nora off, Preston knew about it.

 

Never one to beat around the bush, Sturges let it all out. "Yeah. She was upset, and I'm guessing you know why."

 

Preston shifted the gun at his back, then pulled at his hat, like he wasn't sure what to do with himself. "You know she and Danse had something before, right?"

 

"Danse mentioned something like that, yeah."

 

"Well, he cornered her last night. She didn't say no, but it was clear enough, and Danse didn't listen."

 

Sturges drew his hands into fists, the surge of anger so strong it shocked him. He was the steady one, the level headed one, and right then he wanted to tear Danse apart.

 

Preston raised his hand. "I stopped him. Pulled him off her before he managed anything more than a kiss. She bolted away like a bat out of hell, and I doubt she even knew I'd been there."

 

"Where is he?"

 

"No idea. He took off that night. Grabbed his power armor and was gone before morning. I wasn't going to tell you, because it's her sort of thing to share, but, I don't think he's going to stay gone. He didn't think he'd done a thing wrong, and I figured you should keep your eyes open. And-" Preston hesitated.

 

"What?"

 

"Hell. I don't think she blames him. I think she blames herself. Nora can be hard headed, and she loves all her friends, and I'm worried about her. If he shows up, I don't think she understands he's dangerous."

 

Sturges nodded. "Thanks for letting me know."

 

"You take care of her, okay?"

 

That was the plan, and lucky for him, he knew exactly where she was.


	10. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with some smut, so if you want to skip that, feel free to.

Nora struggled with the silencer on her 10mm. She didn't need a silencer anymore, not for everyday use. She'd get more range if she took it off, but the thing didn't like to budge.

 

"He was wrong, you know." Sturges voice had her looking over her shoulder.

 

He'd managed to get into the garage without her noticing. He stood across the room, face serious.

 

She thought about pretending she didn't know what he meant, but she owed him more than that. "He didn't mean anything. How did you find out, anyway?"

 

"Preston."

 

She looked down, thinking. How would Preston have known. It hit her. "Preston pulled him off me, didn't he?"

 

"Thank God he did. Why didn't you tell me that's why you were upset?"

 

She set down the weapon and sat on the bench. "He didn't mean to. I should have told him no, but I froze."

 

Sturges crossed the distance slowly, watching her, making sure she wasn't afraid. He cupped her face in his hands. "You froze because you were afraid. Nora, you shouldn't have to say no. The fact is you didn't say yes, and if you didn't say yes, he was wrong. It isn't your fault, it's his."

 

"We used to. . ." she hesitated. She didn't want to tell him, to admit it to him. Nothing like telling a man you're interested in about the other men you've slept with.

 

"You used to sleep together. I know. It doesn't change anything. Not about what happened, not about it not being your fault, and not about how I feel about you. Having slept together before doesn't give him the right to attack you."

 

Nora heard his words, but she couldn't bring herself to believe them. They made sense, but they made sense about other people, not about her, not about Danse. "But, I-"

 

Sturges shook his head to quiet her. "You nothing. Nora, when you climbed into my bed last night and kissed me, you got on top of me. There's no way you didn't notice the effect it had on me."

 

She felt color rise to her cheeks. Yeah, she'd noticed.

 

"Did I do anything about it?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"Let me hear you say it."

 

"No."

 

"That's what a real man does. He controls himself. It doesn't matter how much you seem like you want something, if I have any reason to think you don't, I stop. Danse didn't, and that makes it his fault, not yours. I need you to understand this, Nora, I need you to see that this is him, not you."

 

"Okay."

 

"Okay what? You need to say it, because I'm terrified he's going to come back, and you're still going to blaming yourself, and he's going to end up really hurting you."

 

"It was his fault," Nora whispered, the words still feeling wrong but starting to sink in. "He should have stopped, should have asked me if it was okay."

 

"Good. Now I want you to repeat that to yourself every time you start blaming yourself again, every time you want to forgive him, every time you want to take the responsibility from him. He hurt you, and he was wrong."

 

**#**

Sturges held her face and pressed his forehead against hers. He'd run the whole way there, terrified, fearing he'd find Danse here with her, or maybe find the place empty. He couldn't get enough of her, enough to reassure himself that she was okay.

 

The close call of the night before had rattled him. He'd assumed she'd be safe at Sanctuary, he hadn't realized Danse was so dangerous. He could have lost her because he'd made a mistake.

 

"Can I kiss you?" The words sounded absurd, but it felt important to ask.

 

"Please," she whispered.

 

He moved his hand to the back of her neck to angle her head, then kissed her. He put more passion into it than before, wanted to make sure she knew exactly how much he needed her in his life, with him.

 

He'd spent years helping everyone else, but always alone. He couldn't imagine going back to that life, going back to being on the outside of everything.

 

Nora reached her hands beneath his shirt, her fingers tracing his skin like she was memorizing each dip, each curve. She lifted the shirt, and he pulled away long enough to let her slide it off him.

 

"Come on," Nora said and slid from the bench. She took his hand and lead him back to where she'd set up the bedroom.

 

Sturges followed her lead, laying down beside her on the mattress.

 

Was this too fast? Should he slow them down? She didn't look upset, but he didn't want her regretting anything, either.

 

"Can you stop thinking and please take off my shirt?"

 

Sturges couldn't help but smile at the request. Yeah, she seemed fine. He gripped the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head.

 

She was stunning. Sturges stared at her so long, she grabbed a blanket and started to pull it over herself. "Maybe this was a bad idea; you don't have to stay."

 

Sturges shook his head and grabbed her hand. "Sorry. It's been a long time for me, and you're amazing. I just, well," he laughed. "It's been a long time."

 

She tilted her head and smiled. "How long?"

 

"Years," he admitted. Moving around, trying to stay ahead of the raiders, it hadn't exactly given him time to pursue anything.

 

"You think you still remember how it goes?"

 

"I think I can figure it out." He leaned over to her and kissed her, letting his hand run up the bare skin of her side.

 

She leaned into the touch and moaned, like she hadn't been touched in ages, so he repeated the motion.

 

Nora reached for the button on her own pants, then wiggled out of them, trying to keep the contact of the kiss throughout. He chuckled, but rewarded her by helping her get the jeans over her ankles.

 

 Sturges brought his hand down her side, down her hip, to the line of her panties. He pulled back, wanting to see her face. "This okay?"

 

She nodded, laying back on the mattress.

 

**#**

Anything was okay, as long he kept touching her. Nora hadn't felt anything like this in ages. Even when she and Danse had been together, it had never been soft, never gentle. He'd never judged if she liked anything, just expected she would, just took.

 

Not Sturges though, he watched her, checked in with her.

 

Nora hooked her thumbs under the sides of her panties and slid them off.

 

He took his time, moving slowly, as he did with everything else. He kissed her again, getting her lost in the sensation, in him, before he let his hand slip between her thighs. The first touch made her jerk, the sensation new again.

 

He froze, checking in with her. At her nod, he repeated the motion, softer, just a whisper stroke down her core. This time Nora was ready and moaned.

 

He smiled, then moved his lips to her neck.

 

She barely felt it, focused instead of his fingers. For a man who hadn't done this in years, he hadn't forgotten anything. He gathered her wetness on his fingers, then slid up to her clit. The callouses on his fingers created a friction that drove her wild.

 

She felt herself start to tense, to wind up toward that wonderful release, and she grabbed his hand.

 

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked without inflection, as if it was okay if she said yes, that he wouldn't be mad. It helped her, knowing he'd stop, knowing it was her choice.

 

She shook her head and released his hand. "Don't stop, please."

 

He nodded and went back to stroking her, quickening the pace. "It's okay, Nora. Let go. I'm right here," he whispered as he kissed her earlobe.

 

He slipped a finger into her, and that was all it took. She gasped and arched her back as the orgasm tore through her, her muscles seizing against the onslaught.

 

As quickly as it happened, she laid back, catching her breath. His hand rubbed her thigh, giving her time to settle down, time to recover.

 

Nora couldn't help but smile.

 

She didn't think she'd ever get there again. She hadn't thought she'd be able to feel like this again.

Instead of dwelling on it, Nora reached over for the button at Sturges' waist. He placed his hands over hers, stopping her.

 

"We don't have to. It's okay. This can be enough for tonight; I don't need anything more."

 

"I want to. Please."

 

He waited, and she knew his 'I'm thinking this through' face well enough. "This is really fast."

 

"I don't care. I'm sure. No one knows how fast life goes to hell better than I do. I spent a year and a half trying to catch the life I had, only to realize you can't get things back. I'm done waiting for things to be perfect. I want you, now, tonight. I don't know what will happened tomorrow, I only know what I want right now, and that's you."

 

The way his shoulders sunk told her she'd won. He undid his pants, and drug them down. Nora pulled at his shoulders, guiding him on top of her.

 

"You're sure this is okay?"

 

She nodded.

 

"If it's not, you tell me. We'll stop, instantly. Say it, you'll tell me if you want to stop."

 

She pulled him into a kiss, then smiled. "I'll tell you if I want to stop. Now, please, would have sex with me already?"

 

Sturges grinned, the smile that said she'd charmed him even if he knew he should be annoyed. He eased her legs around him, then reached between them to guide himself in.

 

**#**

Sturges pressed his forehead against hers as he pushed in, the whole time bouncing between fear that this was too fast, that he'd hurt her, that he'd scare her, and ecstasy that it was happening.

 

He slid in easily, trying to go slow, to catch any sign of resistance, any indication she'd changed her mind.

 

It was vital he do it right, that he pay attention.

 

She didn't show him any doubt, though. She wrapped her legs up, around his waist, and pulled him deeper.

 

He laughed and shook his head. "You aren't making this easy, you know?"

 

She nipped at his bottom like. "Then do it hard."

 

He loved her. He knew it then, accepted it. It was in the way she never gave in, in the strength she carried with her, the way she laughed at the more inappropriate times. God, he loved her.

 

He started to move, slower than she'd like, if the tightening of her legs were any indication, but he wasn't going to risk hurting her. He held himself up with one arm, the other hand on her waist, feeling her hipbone, the way she moved with him.

 

He lost himself in her, in them, in the way she wrapped around him. They made love until neither could move anymore, until they fell asleep, his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest.

 

He couldn't lose her.


	11. Collision

Nora woke to the unmistakable sound of a cocking gun.

 

"Have fun?"

 

She sat up, holding the blanket to her chest, to meet the gaze of Danse. He wore his power armor, no helmet, and what she saw in his eyes terrified her.

 

Nothing. None of the friend she'd know, that she thought she'd known. It was like he'd been emptied out, changed.

 

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

 

"I should ask you that question."

 

Sturges wrapped an arm around her, easing himself in front of her, between her and Danse.

 

"Don't you touch her!"

 

A bullet tore into the plaster above them, spraying bits down. Sturges didn't budge, however, didn't flinch. He just shifted until she was hidden behind him. "What are you doing, Danse? You said you loved her."

 

"I do. She loves me, too. She's just confused. You've confused her."

 

"You're scaring her. How can you scare someone you love?"

 

Danse shifted his feet, like the question hit home and he didn't like the answer. "She doesn't have to be afraid of me. I'd never hurt her. I wasn't the one who let the raiders get to her, I didn't rape her. None of that was me. Come on, Nora. We'll go, we'll forget this all ever happened. No one has to get hurt today."

 

"You're not taking her anywhere."

 

"That isn't your choice." Danse cocked the plasma rifle back and smacked Sturges in the head with the butt. The sickening crunch twisted Nora's stomach.

 

Oh, God, what if he'd killed him? "What did you do?" She felt for a pulse, frantic.

 

"He's fine. Come on. Put this on or I'll drag you out of here naked." Danse tossed a t-shirt at her.

 

Nora slipped the shirt over her head, then nailed Danse with a look she prayed he remembered. "Let me give him a stimpack."

 

"No. Let's go."

 

"You watched me burn the Prydwen to the ground, Danse. If you kill him, or prevent me from saving him, I will burn you, too."

 

Danse frowned, like he was trying to decide if she was telling the truth. He must have remembered the sight of his airship crashing to the dirt in flames, because he nodded. "Fine, give him a stimpack. Hurry up, though."

 

Nora reached into her pack, dug out a stimpack, and jammed it into his leg. Please, let it work, let him be okay. There wasn't anything else she could do for him.

 

Danse had a hold of her arm, and he drug her out of the Red Rocket.

 

"Why him?"

 

"Why not?"

 

"I love you, damnit! You knew I loved you. I wanted to help you, but you ran to him instead. I gave up my whole life for you, for what you wanted. I changed everything and you don't even care."

 

Nora tried to avoid the bits of metal, but her bare feet already hurt. So much for out running him. "I told you before, we weren't right for each other."

 

Danse turned on her, his hand reaching behind her neck to bring her close. In his power armor, he towered above her, and she was forced onto her toes. "You didn't say that when I was inside you, when we were together. It's only when you start thinking, when you start second guessing yourself. You'll see, I'm right, we're right together." He released her, and she stumbled.

 

"No."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

She shook her head, stepping backward. "No. I don't want to go with you. I won't. I should have said no to you a long time ago, but I'm saying it now."

 

He stalked her, forcing her to hop over piles of debris to keep out of his range. "You don't get to say no. I've done too much for you, sacrificed too much. I deserve this, I deserve you."

 

Nora fell backward, over a pile of trash. He kneeled in front of her while her hands grasped for something, anything.

 

"You don't say no to me," he said.

 

Nora's fingers closed around something hard, maybe a pole, maybe a scrap of metal. She narrowed her eyes. "No," she spat, then swung the item.

 

The piece of metal, a crowbar, she realized, smashed into the side of his face, the only area not protected by his power armor. He stumbled backward, blood pouring from the gash at his temple. When he took a step toward her again, when she'd made peace with how this was going to end, a shot rang out.

 

A bullet tore through his temple, and he fell in a heap at her feet. Nora didn't bother to look for who had shot, she didn't care. They shot him, and nothing matter but Sturges.

 

She rushed back to Sturges side, happy to see the wound over his eyebrow had already healed. He wasn't awake, but he was alive. Moving him wasn't going to be happening anytime soon, given that he weighed almost three of her, so she grabbed the tool she never used, and shot a flare off in front of the Red Rocket.


	12. Something I had to Tell You

Sturges woke with a pounding in his head, but a nice warmth at his chest. He cracked his eyes open to see a mess of dark hair, and released a deep breath.

 

Nora was okay. Whatever else had happened, he was safe, and so was she.

 

She must have heard the sound, because she twisted her head, nailing him with a worried gaze. "You awake?"

 

"Yeah, I am. What happened?"

 

"Danse tried to give you a lobotomy," offered Nick, who sat in the corner of the room.

 

"That explains the headache." He winced as he probed at the sore spot above his left eye. "Are you okay?"

 

Nora nodded. "Yeah."

 

"He hurt you?"

 

"No. I hit him with a stick and someone shot him."

 

"Someone?"

 

Nora shrugged. "I don't know who. I didn't bother to figure it out. You were more important, because I had something to tell you."

 

Sturges struggled to keep up with the conversation, too relieved by the fact she hadn't been hurt, that she seemed safe, to care about anything else. "Okay. What did you need to tell me?"

 

"I love you, and I can't lose you."

 

He grinned, and pulled her into a kiss. "I love you too."

 

**#**

Deacon rested against the wall outside, listening to the declarations of love. Kids were sweet, and love didn't last long enough, not in their world. Let them hold onto it as long as they could.

 

Nick came out and stood beside him.

 

"Good job, setting them up."

 

"Just a good hunch," Nick said. "Good job to you, too."

 

"What?"

 

"That was a hell of a shot."

 

Deacon smiled at the synth before he stepped off the porch. "Why, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about, Mr. Valentine."


End file.
